The Chair

Tonight, Narra asked to be rocked to sleep in the rocking chair..

It has been ages since we’ve done this. Our regular bedtime routine has been me sidelying and breastfeeding her to sleep, almost every night, with a phone in my hand.

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But tonight, I decided that I needed to be PRESENT. I needed to be all there.

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I left my phone downstairs and made the conscious decision to BE ALL THERE.

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Just like the good old days of rocking to sleep every night, I put on the “Bedtime Lullabye” CD. We must’ve listened to it 20 gazillion times. I set my Boppy nursing pillow on my lap, Narra happily and EAGERLY hopped on it waiting for her nightcap of breastmilk, or what she lovingly calls her “manos”.

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She latched on and away we rocked. I was instantly taken back to the many nights we spent in that chair. Nights, days, weeks, hours and hours. My bottom knew the perfect position, the best tilt, the smoothest ride to get a colicky, refluxy, developmental-leap, wonder-week, very VOCAL baby to calm down. I remember telling myself anything I could to get through those moments. That I wouldn’t be in that chair forever, that what felt like torture at the time, wouldn’t last.

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But I looked down tonight and realized that my baby was now a toddler. Her legs hung over the arms of the rocking chair like they never had before. She was growing quickly. She is grown.

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And suddenly, the chair I had always wanted to be out of, became the chair I never wanted to leave.

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Our bond was BUILT in that chair. The breastmilk, the tears, the laughs, the giggles and coos. The smiles and frowns, the ups and the downs. It all happened HERE.

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As toddler Narra’s eyes slowly closed and the last track of our bedtime routine CD played it’s final line, I knew I could probably start moving her to her bed and make my way back to my phone.

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But instead, I sat. I sat and stared. I stared and LOVED.

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It’s almost like she KNEW what WE needed. To fall asleep together in the place we first fell in love.

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Where did you first fall in love with your little? Go back there. It’s time to fall in love all over again. 💜

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💌corinneahansen@gmail.com

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