Back to Gratitude

Yesterday, we celebrated Narra’s 3rd birthday. What a whirlwind of events for our little bug. There is more to come this weekend.

But with all BIG events, come the TEARS. Yup. Tears. By her. By ME.

Yesterday, Narra had a BIG meltdown. Perhaps it was the energy in the air, or what she fed off with me. But it was a big one. I am glad Kay and Al, my in-laws who are visiting from Vancouver Island for Narra’s birthday weekend, arrived when they did.

They practically arrived just as the last few tears were shed by both Narra and I. When I heard the doorbell ring and opened the door to see Kay’s smiling face, I flung myself into her arms and sobbed.

It seems I am a ball of emotions with everything that is going on right now and it’s very difficult for me to share this.

I am struggling right now.

Struggling with that pursuit of BALANCE.

Since my transition to a work-at-home mom, I have been finding it difficult to find that balance.

Being a stay-at-home mom is hard. Making sure you are MOM, being present for the care of your child is hard enough, then you add in the very necessary time to be a WIFE. And somehow you add in COACH, that time to be YOU, to that mix. Sending out those messages and inviting people to share in your journey, one that you are wondering was the right decision.

Again, ahhhh, so struggling to share this right now!!! Like how am I supposed to INVITE people to join me on this journey if, I myself am STRUGGLING??

But then I step back from this stress that I know is oh so very TEMPORARY and I bring myself back to GRATITUDE. I remind myself that before the breakthrough, there is a BREAKDOWN. I look back on everything that I have accomplished and I am thankful.

This time last year, I had a different stress. The stress of wanting to be home with my daughter on her birthday.

This time last year, I held back tears and said goodbye to her in the cold of the morning in our car at 730am as Daddy drove her off to daycare. I told myself that next year it would be different. Next year, I would be there on her birthday ALL DAY, so she wouldn’t have to celebrate with other people who I know loved her, but who didn’t love her only the way her Mama could.

And this time, THIS YEAR, I am here. Even with a meltdown, even with the struggle and the tears, I am HERE.

And if there is one thing I want Narra and to both remember about her childhood, it’s me being THERE, every step of the way.

THAT makes the struggle WORTH IT.



Photo credit: Kate Neale Photography